Someone Else Is Speaking With My Mouth

I began writing about 12 years ago and decided to take this up as a profession, thinking it was the chosen line. But, the further I probed, I realized that this might not be the “calling that I heard,” but a vocation that I took up because it had its own appeal, and to which I was drawn to.

Reminiscing, it was obvious that I gave importance to anything relating to grammar, dictionaries, books, pens, kindles, references, anagrams, palindromes, etc… so it is pointless analyzing… it was something that I liked… so no regrets.

Unfortunately, it was finance that I loved, but I just couldn’t seem to balance my books or words there…

I slowly realized that words were the DNA of politics… and came to accept the fact that politics has swept into our lives. Understandably, the word play as well!.

That is why I could forgive Sir Deb any day…. Pups never understands, she being a civil engineer…. He thought that Civil Engineering and Civil Services went well… and appeared to be “pleased as punch” with his word play.

In fact, the Biplab is damn right in saying that the Internet existed during the Mahabharata days… Had Sir Stephen Fleming or Arthur Clarke said that, the Media would have wowed it… but poor Biplab Deb…? he was categorized as a lab case! Unfortunately, he is not in the same class as the scientific Alfred E Neumann’s. That aside, Sir Deb has enough to worry in encouraging graduates to become cowboys…

And, of course, the Media house would do anything to get their TRP’s up…

Arnab Goswami will do anything to achieve it… emotional blackmail or use a black male (pardon me, wordplay, my friend!)… The Pakistani’s you see in his show are nothing but stooges to be shouted at, and build up the emotional crescendo!

So, where does it all begin?

That is the fun and the beauty of it….

Nobody knows, if we knew, Hell, I would sit by the sea and drink Beer all day… perhaps have the odd smoke (does it really matter?).

Now, this reminds me of my first visit to the Shrink!

Shrink: Hello, Good Morning!

Me: Hi.

Shrink: Do you know what you are here for?

Me: I wish I knew.

Shrink: Do you hear voices in your head?

Me: Yes, at times… but don’t we all.

Shrink: Do you see images?

Me: Yes, but don’t we all – isn’t that the grandiose scheme of things?

Shrink: Hmmm… okay, you may go now… please ask your Father to come in.

I thought to myself, why does he want the poor old man now?

After a while, Dad comes out… and says, Okay! Let’s go…

We go to the hotel, but don’t talk about it…

I was more interested in the receptionist, who was giving me the looks.

Should I, should I not… go up and say Hi… am sure, she would enjoy a night out at the nightclub!

Baaabu…. (Incidentally, that’s what pops called me by!)

Sorry, yes!

The receptionist and the wet dreams, went for a six.

Do, you want to eat? Or, prefer a meal in the room.

Knowing him, I opted for the latter.

The food came… He had ordered his usual chicken sandwich and for me, the chicken fried rice…

The meal went well….

Too quiet for my liking…

I desperately wanted to ask him what the bloody problem was.

The Doc tells me that you are a schizophrenic, and that you have partial neurosis…


I nearly throw up and spit out my supper…

What the f*ck does that supposed to mean?

Sorry Pops, I didn’t mean to say that, but I just don’t get it…

Surprisingly he laughs and says, me too…

Don’t worry, we’ll get a second opinion… that fellow is useless!

Now, I thought that was re-assuring…. Although, the thought of visiting another shrink, made me grovel. Few days’ rest… good food, watching movies, read, music, online chats, and it was time for the next shrink, at a new place.

The same routine.

Knock! Knock! May I come in?

Please do…

This time, the shrink and I had a different chat. We talked about our likes, favorite movies, books, the types of music I liked, sex life, views on the current political scenario etc. He then asked me if I had any questions for him. I asked him more or less the same questions. Hell, we don’t do HRD for nothing… and he was pleasant and forthright, which caught me by surprise. I would have hired him then and there!

He finally says… please ask your father to come in.

After a few minutes, Dad comes out screaming…

Now, I got a bit scared. Rarely, do I see him like this.

I thought to myself, he must have suggested that I would have to be admitted to a mental hospital or a lunatic asylum.

Fingers crossed…. We walk on…

He is fuming, muttering the choicest expletives…

That is my father, that’s for sure; I at least comforted myself…

We get into the car… and I softly ask him, what was the problem?

I was ready to hear whatever it was… let him hit me with it!

He screams and says…. The bugger tells me that me I have paranoid schizophrenia!



Not you Babu, me!

Can you believe it?

I said, I couldn’t… I definitely cannot (although, my mind at that time said otherwise (Sorry Pops… Please rest in Peace!)

Expletives follow…

I meekly ask… What about me?

He says, you are bloody fine… But, can you believe that he had the guts to call me whatever that was!

Great! I thought to myself! He has forgotten the word “Paranoid Schizophrenic” as well…

That’s good for the moment…

Pops, can I put on some music…

Put whatever you bloody want…

Didn’t know what to put, as there were only two CDs in the car. One was a Rock Collection and the other a Carnatic Instrumental collection….

Well… what the hell… and I put on the Rock CD…

And, a familiar guitar riff with these lyrics blast through the speakers…

Finished with my woman… ‘Cause she couldn’t help me with my mind
People think I’m insane… Because I am frowning all the time

Sh*t…. Black Sabbath’s, Paranoid, of all the friggin’ numbers…

Before he could say anything, I managed to put the Carnatic Instrumental CD on….

Phew! Otherwise, it would have been “Die Young” next!

Taken from my book… It is in its formative stages…. It will take a good three months or more to finish

Movies have trailers….why not books… eh mate?



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